Howdy friend! Welcome to Cooper’s Provender Purveyor. We have dry goods, equipage, and all manner o’ sundries from commodes to chicken shoes. If there’s sumthin’ I aint got, have a gander at Mssrs Sawborn and Keater there and I can order up whatsoever you be needin’. Have it in a ‘couple weeks.
My name’s Jamie Cooper, proprietor o’ this here suttlery, tho you can calls me Jamie. I’m the local claims officer too, if you’re lookin’ fer a stake. I’m also Editor and Typesetter o’ the paper hereabouts, and this store o’ mine doubles as the First Bank o’ Devil’s Perch. Yessir, y’aint gots ta go further than my front door!
I can tell you’s new ‘round here. First thing ya ought do is get shed o’ them bootblacks you got on ‘fore somebody takes you for a tinhorn. You wouldn’t want ta get shanked in an alley ‘fore ya had a good meal, now would you? I’ll trade you even for this pair here. Two fellers died in ‘em in as many weeks, but that ’bout rubs out all the cross luck, now don’t it?
Third times a charm!